Finding Good Friends

“Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget”

Friends are the people who you hang-out with, talk to and have an overall good time. But how often do we find loyal and true friends? True friends stick with us through the happy times, the sad times, and all the moments of our lives. They are there for you no matter where you are and when you need them.

I have observed that when we’re young, we make friends quickly, with less prejudice, less judgement and less expectations. All it takes is a single moment of happiness playing together to become friends. But as we grow older, broken friendships and hurt often either cloud or change our perception and we tend to be more selective in making friends. On one hand, the friendships we make tend to last longer as we grow older (not always true but well sometimes) because we tend to be more picky. But on the other, we surround ourselves with only people that we like, people who are usually similar with us or at least who gets/ appreciates us.

It made me think of a few questions on certain traits of friends that we always look for.

1. How easy is it nowadays to find loyal friends?

“Good friends are like stars. You don’t always see them, but you know they’re always there”

Friends who are always there for us. This might seem quite cynical-but it’s rare.

Whether we want to accept it or not, the moments you spend with someone matters. If you see someone everyday, you’ll get close to them because you are automatically around them. But if you only meet that person once every 6 months, it often requires a lot of effort. The differences in schedule, changes in views, and often time difference changes how much you feel that person is able to relate to you. Now, I am not going to dwell on long distance relationships/ friendships. I think I’ll save that for another day but friends often come and go. It is just part of life. As we grow, the type of friends we make continue to change.

Then how do we define “loyalty”?

By definition, being loyal means: giving or showing firm and constant support or allegiance to a person or institution.

In my personal opinion, being loyal as a friend just means being there for them when they need them. Or at least if you are busy at that time to ask them what happened or message or call them when you’re no longer preoccupied. It means that you occasionally ask how are they doing and what is going on with their life. It simply means to not forget about them.

It’s oh-so-easy to forget about old friends when you have made new ones. Especially if it’s in a completely different setting, place and environment. But I’ve always believed that every friend you make contributes to who you are (bad and good). They have impacted you one way or another. It is as how the dictionary simply puts it a way of showing your friend that you care and support them constantly and giving them attention.

2. How easy is it to find trustworthy friends? Who will stand up for us when we need help? or who will take care of us in our moments of vulnerability?

Friends are easy to come-by. Especially if it’s merely for a night of fun. But when it comes to the deep and more complicated things in your life – you find out who you really can trust. In the end I think that finding a friend who have the same values as you, matter. Of course this doesn’t mean that you can’t have friends that have a different mindset than you because you definitely can as long as you compromise. But, having friends that have the same way of thinking as you help a lot. They defend the same thing as you and ultimately help you achieve the goal of what type of person you want to be.

Find a friend that you can confide in the most difficult situation. Find someone who not only can keep a secret, but is willing to break that secret if it means to improve you. Find a friend that cares about you, who won’t take advantage of you.

I have found it difficult to do so but often these things take time. Finding a trustworthy friend takes a lot of searching and questioning. Trust your gut instinct. It’s often right. Can you trust the person? It might take a little more effort, but when you have found that trustworthy friend, it’ll be worth it.

3. How easy is it to find a non-judgemental friend? Who will accept you for who you are? Not try to change you but yet will try to make you a better person? Who won’t make you do stupid things that they know is harmful?

“A true friend is one who thinks you are a good egg even if you are half-cracked”

I do believe that having friends that are non-judgemental takes a while. We are all, after all, very judgemental people (unfortunately). A few of us are lucky enough not to be as judgemental. But I, for one, know myself – I’m judgemental as many people are. It is so difficult to not judge someone especially if they are your friends (newly made friends, that is) because you are in the process of getting to know them and you might find out more than you really want to know. However, I believe that with time you just begin to accept them for who they are.

Then if we are all judgemental how do you find non-judgemental friends?

Don’t go for friends who you know are quick to judge or at least judge people out loud. Because that indicates a lack of effort for that person to get to know you. If the person try to get to know you and ask questions – I believe it’s a good sign. I think that it is a sign that that person is trying to understand your way of thinking and trying not to judge you by understanding you.

Luckily, most of the time, once you have hit at least 1 year (or even less for some) of friendship you just don’t question your friends as much and just accept them for their quirky self-and-all.

Ok those are my quick thoughts on finding good friends. I’m definitely not going to list out  all the qualities of what constitute a good friend because then I will be writing a novel probably. But these are just some thoughts of mine. Would you agree? Do you have any other tips to find good friends? or other qualities to look out for?

For my own friends:
“Here’s the nights that turn into mornings with the friends that turned into family.”

Don’t forget: follow your heart, find your passion.