Should you remain friends?

“Being friends with your ex shows you two are mature enough to get over the fact that you weren’t meant to be together” 

Most people’s answer here is: NO.

If you don’t follow what I’m talking about, i’m talking about whether you should remain friends with your exes or that guy/ girl you had a crush on but rejected you. I understand why you shouldn’t. People always say “well they are your ex for a reason” or “it just would be better – a cleaner break”. But I have never found this answer convincing. I think the reason for this is that I have always ended up dating my best friend (bad habit but oh well there are perks too).

I always believe that a friendship doesn’t need to be ruined just because you try to date them and it doesn’t work out. If it started as a strong, solid friendship, why would you have to give it up just because it did not work romantically? Who knows if your relationships became stronger because of it instead?

There are positives and negatives of remaining friends after your break-up. I know this cos  I dated and broke up with my best friend and we are still best friends. Please take this situationally because of course it depends on how close you were before, how you broke up, etc. Luckily for me I was really really close with my best friend and we broke up on really good terms.

The negatives:

1. It is so difficult to move on.
I suppose because you still text or call or just remain in contact with that person constantly it is so much more difficult to move on. You have to act as if a few years of your life was not invested in being romantically involved with that person. You have to deal with falling out of love while still constantly being reminded how great they are because you still talk to them often. This can lead to taking years and years to get over the person.

2. You have to deal with them talking to you about their newest crush/ girlfriend/ boyfriend
You might think you are so over them and don’t want to be with them which might be true but it still hurts when they talk about their newest interest or love. Especially if they ask for you advice on how to get closer to their newest crush or how to resolve a conflict. Oh and the worse thing they can possibly say: “Oh I’ve found this new girl and she reminds me so much of you” (oh wow thanks for telling me I’m so replaceable).

3.Can’t we work it out? That constant question of whether you can work it out. I mean you work well together as friends, why can’t you work your differences out? This question will continuously be tugging at the back of your mind. But whatever happens, your ex is your ex for a reason and you have to just set it aside no matter how tempting this thought is. Just don’t go there.

But the plus side:

1. You’re still able to talk to them about anything and everything
If you remain best friends there is absolutely no filter that goes through what you say to them. You can literally talk to them about anything in the world even intimate details about other people or yourself because well they’ve heard it before either as your best friend or your previous boyfriend/ girlfriend.

2. There is no judgement/expectations if you hang out together (even if it’s just the 2 of you)
I guess if they already have a new girlfriend/boyfriend you have to be lucky enough that they dont mind (which luckily I am). But you’re still able to be go out together and catch a movie or have a besties-date having fun and with limited boundaries without being scared that it might end up being awkward/ that one of you will have feelings again because that’s over and it didn’t work in the past. So now you can just enjoy the friendship 🙂

3. You can still hang out with his/ her closest friends
There is no loss in friendship with his/ her friends because you are still friends. You can even still hang out as a group without it being weird. You can still have fun with their friends and your friends won’t tease the 2 of you either because they know that you are just friends. It would feel as if nothing has changed.

4. Reminiscing “those old times”
Just last week my ex sent me a picture of a bookmark I gave him a while back asking “was this from you? I was cleaning up my room 😂” and “wow those good old times when we were dating. That was so long ago!”. Which is a conversation I have with him once in a while. We know that we are so over each other and so we can always look back to those memories with little pain and just smile about it – that it happened 🙂 I mean, every relationship comes with its own lessons. Value the lessons you had with your ex as something precious and a part of you.

5. Most importantly – you dont lose your friend. Enough said about that. Friendship is precious especially if you were such close friends before.

Well I have given what I think the + and – of still remaining friends with your ex, reflecting my own experience. And I would say I never regret the choice.

Of course the main thing here is that both of you need to be mature about it. Rebuilding a friendship from a broken relationship doesn’t take overnight. There are moments where you know you have to give the other some space and let them think about it. But the most important thing is not to give up on it, not be awkward and be mature about it. Rebuild the dynamic that you had before you started going out.

And if you were never really close to begin with… that might be a little difficult because you have no comparison to fall back to. But still hope for the best and don’t give up if the person matters to you! 🙂

Find your passion. Follow your heart.

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